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Chapter 12: Radar & the Black Panthers

It was a somewhat run-of-the-mill SATURDAY afternoon at the residence of MAX & SOON-LEE KLINGER, on the street known as CEMETERY LANE as they entertained an old friend of KLINGER'S from TOLEDO, by the name of HUEY NEWTON. As a child HUEY was being pushed around by bullies who were white, but KLINGER (although LEBANESE) always protected him, even if it meant getting into fights to do it! HUEY was now the national leader of an AFRICAN-AMERICAN militant group called THE BLACK PANTHERS & they were in GRAND RAPIDS looking to at least recruit some members & organize a local membership office as well. So where to start recruiting members? Where else, but the mansion of THE ADDAMS FAMILY! Now the recruiting process didn't take too long at all. RADAR O'REILLY was the 1ST man in all of ITASCA COUNTY to sign up with THE BLACK PANTHER PARTY. HAWKEYE, TRAPPER, & B.J. were next in line. They were followed up by RALPH HARVEY, ROGER WILLOUGHBY, CARTER HARRISON, FESTER FRUMP, PETE ARON, NINO BARLINI, ROBERT TALBOT, CHARLIE AGNEW, BENJAMIN BRADDOCK, JAMES FERGUSON, ROGER L. HARRIS, SAM L. HILLIARD, MAURICE CLAVELL, LURCH CRABWELL, COUNT SAM DRACULA, DR. ALEX STONE, EDDIE BASSETT, HERMAN MUNSTER (COUNT DRACULA'S son-in-law), HORATIO GATEMAN (HERMAN'S boss), CLAYTON C. THOMAS, HORACE BERKSHIRE, GOMEZ ADDAMS, LUTHER HEGGS, ED FRANSON, ROY FLEMING, GORDON ROLFE, MARK ROLFE, DR. JOHN WADE PRENTICE, DR. HAROLD BLACK, DAVE EDSEL, LIONEL BARKER, ARTE "SEE SEE RIDER" HORNSBY, HENRY HANKSON (ARTE'S brother-in-law), ALAN COLLETTI, HAROLD HANKSON (HENRY'S identical twin brother), LARRY EARL (ARTE'S private investigative associate), JEREMY EARL (LARRY'S British cousin), DICK CORVETTE (The smartest fence in all of MINNESOTA), HANK ITO, DOBIE GILLIS, MAYNARD G. KREBBS, MILTON ARMITAGE, CHATSWORTH OSBORNE, JR., MAXWELL Q. KLINGER, & many others far too numerous to mention!

So with all of the locals for the group they they could recruit, HUEY organized the roll call, & then he began to have them swear to the oath of THE BLACK PANTHERS, as follows: "I AS A LOYAL MEMBER OF THE BLACK PANTHER GROUP. WILL ALWAYS MAINTAIN THE PROTECTION OF MY PEOPLE FROM THE WHITE SUPREMACIST PIGS AT ALL TIMES WHEN CALLED UPON TO DO SO. I WILL FIGHT & IF NECCESSARY EVEN DIE FOR THE RIGHTS OF MY OPPRESSED PEOPLE ANYWHERE & ANYTIME. NIGHT OR DAY. YEAR AROUND. REGARDLESS OF HOW MANY PIGS DIE IN THE PROCESS WHEN WE GO INTO BATTLE WITH THE FORCES OF GEORGE WALLACE, EUGENE "BULL" CONNOR, LYNDON BAINES JOHNSON, RICHARD MILHOUS NIXON, J. EDGAR HOOVER, and RICHARD "DICKY" DAILEY of the windy city! SO HELP ME HUEY NEWTON!" When they stopped repeating the oath they put down their right hands & rested for a while. Then HUEY asked "Whom among us is willing to finance our marches & demonstrations when we are in public?" GOMEZ ADDAMS replied "I've got the most bank accounts of anybody here. So about the only financial contributions they can dig up will their membership dues!?" HUEY replied "Well, since you put it that way then, I guess we'll elect you, GOMEZ ADDAMS, to the office of treasurer for the GRAND RAPIDS, MINNESOTA sector of THE BLACK PANTHERS! All of those in favor of good ol' GOMEZ being the local treasurer for us raise your hands!" So the showing of hands was in great numbers. Then HUEY asked "All opposing this?" Not a single hand raised up against GOMEZ being the local level treasurer of THE BLACK PANTHERS. HUEY said "Very well, then it is unanimous. GOMEZ ADDAMS will be our local level treasurer!" Soon other key positions for the local level were being filled up & fast! RADAR was placed in charge of the local level security measures. KLINGER was made the local level President. FESTER became the very first local level Vice-President. RALPH HARVEY was put into the local level position of Defense Counselor (in case they ever wound up in a courtroom as the defendant). HANK ITO was voted in as the local level Secretary. CHARLIE AGNEW was voted in as the local level accountant. & finally COUNT SAM DRACULA was voted in the local level advisor. With the votes all tallied in, they decided to go on with rest of the celebration. Of course, GOMEZ still kept his friendship with MARTIN LUTHER KING, but he had to keep it a secret from MARTIN that he, GOMEZ ADDAMS was now a member of THE BLACK PANTHER MILITANT GROUP! It worked & to this very day hardly any of DR. KING'S closest friends & relatives still do not know that certain citizens of GRAND RAPIDS, MINNESOTA ranging from GOMEZ ADDAMS to RADAR O'REILLY had become members of THE BLACK PANTHERS!