The Bare Truth.....and Nothing Else!
Alternate ending to "Dear Dad Again"

by Hawkshotlips1

Hawkeye took the paper in his hand. He wrote...


There was a tapping on the door.

"Hawk.. you need to see this." Radar held a file in his hand.

Hawkeye set down the pad and took the file from Radar. Hmm.. Captain Adam Casey.. that was a smart one.. hmm.. a doctor... a lawyer.. maybe an Indian Chief. He would confront him.. but.. the guy was good.. really good.

"Ah.. Radar.. you know.. "

"Yeah.. Hawkeye..... you know...I'm trying to.. finish that correspondence course to get a diploma... "


"Sorry, sir... I was talking out loud."

"Little Radar... "

"Hawkeye, sir... can you give me the final exam?"

"The.. what?"

"To my correspondence course."

"Sure... anything... Radar... but first two things.." Hawkeye picked up the pencil and tapped the pad.


Hawkeye saw Margaret walk by the tent and he smiled at Radar.

Radar took a look too... and then at Hawkeye.

"Two things.. right.. um.. I agree.."

Hawkeye tried not to smile.

"You're blushing, Radar."

"No.. really... what should I do with this file?"

"Burn it in the stove .. pronto.... leave no trace of it... "

"Isn't kind of warm for a fire?"

"Shh.. Radar."

Radar walked outside and hid the file behind his back. He saw Margaret go in Henry's office. He stuck the file under the stack of papers on his desk. He breathed a sigh of relief as she came out and stood there.



"Is the Colonel in.. I need to talk to him."

"He's not in.... he's out...Ma'am."

"It's about a doctor... Doctor Adam Casey."

"Oh. that doctor.. well... he's around."

"I know he is.. Radar.. I've seen him."

"You want something?"

Margaret stared at him "Listen... what are you doing answering my questions with a question?"


"Right.. "

Margaret walked outside and frowned. She would get that file on Adam Casey and take a look at it. And she knew exactly who had it and why.

In the Swamp...Hawkeye looked at Trapper.


"Hmm.. "

"Trapper.. we need some excitement around here.. and big."

"Excitement... well.. Hawkeye... that new doctor.... that should generate some excitement."

"Adam Casey... shoot... Trapper.. he's not a doctor... "


"Yeah, not a word... on this.. I'm going to confront him and we'll find a place for him.. how about that massage parlor... heck.. people come and go.. they're not going to notice.. him there.. for the time being."

"Sure.. Hawk... something they won't notice.."

"As bad as Klinger's white wedding dress and a see through slip... tasteful and not gaudy..."

"Klinger in a white wedding gown.. that I'd like to see."

"Well.. Trapper... something better. than that.. what he hasn't something subtle... how about I walk in the Mess Tent with my boots on...and not one person... I repeat... not one person will notice."

"For.. how much?"

"Fifty dollars says.. that.. not one person.. will even care.. or pay attention."

"That's a bet.."

Hawkeye started to laugh."Haha... Trap... are you ready for the unveiling?"

"Anything.. Hawkeye." Trapper got up and walked to the door."Need an escort?"

"Well.. wait at the entrance of the Mess tent.. just in case."

Hawkeye smiled and then put his things on the bed. He only had his boots on and he looked around and walked out Two people saluted him and he kept walking and then felt secure for the time. No one had seen a thing.. not yet.

Trapper whistled and then saw Margaret."Oh.. oh..... trouble at three o'clock.".. "

Hawkeye stood in back of Trapper."What?"

"Margaret is coming.. she's going to expose... um.. well.. she's.. going to find out."

"Fifty bucks.. Trap."

Margaret saw the two and she frowned at them. What were they doing standing there... up to something and no good.


"Major." Trapper smiled at her.

Hawkeye sighed and didn't move.

"You want to move so I can get inside."

"We can't.. Major."


"I said.. we can't."

"Hiding something.. well, I want it.. and hand it over."

"Hand what?" Hawkeye smiled.

"That file on Adam Casey.. I know you have it.'

Trapper laughed."You want to make a search?"

"Put your hands up.. McIntyre." she moved her hands on his arms and then studied his face.

Trapper tried not to grin."Hawkeye is next."

"You're right.. he's next."

"Okay.. Hawkeye.. get ready... she's going to search you... "

"The bet is off..."

"A bet.. is it.. well... I'll double that bet... just to make it interesting... knowing what kind of minds you two have."

Hawkeye sighed."A hundred... you mean I owe you a hundred? Or McIntyre..."

"Hawk. .it's fifty.. for me.. and a hundred for her.. I'd like to see this."

"I really don't care... get your hands up and move it."

Hawkeye shook his head and then opened the door."I have something to do.. first.. you can wait here if you want."

She turned around and folded her arms and waited. Hawkeye walked in the tent.

He shook his head and then heard a tray drop and a Lieutenant had a look of shock on his face.

Hawkeye sighed and then heard applause and a few wolf whistles. Klinger walked up to him.

"Well.. Captain.. that certainly is tasteful... you may set a trend.. ."

"Shut up.. Klinger."

"Hawkeye.. you need to.. "

Hawkeye put the tray in front and had to back out. He hoped no one was there and he came out.


"Yeah.. "

"Walk in the back.. I don't want to be further... um.... um.... propositioned."

"Margaret.. is standing there... "

Hawkeye turned to see Margaret stand there and she had her arms folded.

He walked to her."You get your hundred dollars."


"I said... the bet was fifty.. from Trapper and you get the hundred dollars."

She had tears on her face."Hawkeye... um... I didn't.. know... really.... "

He sighed."I'm sure you got a good look."

"I didn't." she turned and ran to her tent.

"Hawkeye... I didn't know you had that effect on a woman.. especially.. one.. like her."

"Trapper.. fine.. I'll owe you fifty.. but I need to get the money... to you.. and then to her.."

"Hm... well... "

Hawkeye went in to pull on his things and he stood there. One hundred and fifty bucks. He tapped on the door and then she opened it. He held out the money and she shook her head.



He leaned against the door."It's yours."

"No... please... I can't take it."

"It was in fun... you can't take any fun."

"You know.. it's.. embarrassing."

"For who? You or me?"

"Well.. Hawkeye... shoot... I like you and all... in fact.. I really like you." she moved her hands on his back.

"Mmm..I like you.. Margaret."

The door opened and Trap stood there."Aha... collecting on a bet.. Hawkeye?"

Margaret turned her head."McIntyre.. you have a sick mind.. and I'm not paying Hawkeye that money."

"It's not a concern of mine.. really.. but.. I wanted to know.. about.."

"What.. Trap?"

"Tomorrow night.. the act.. for."

"No Talent Night."


Margaret sighed."Listen... let me sing with you.. would that... help?"


"Sure.. she can."

"No dirty songs... promise me?"

"Yeah.. that's the truth."

"You sure.. Hawkeye?"

"Honest." he looked at Trap.

"You have our word.. Margaret."

"Oh.. one other thing.... don't blow the whistle on Adam Casey.. ... we're sending him to that Massage parlor.."

"Adam Casey.. the new doctor.. wait.. where is the file?"

"Shh.. Margaret.. "

She sighed and nodded her head."Okay... fine.. yeah."

Trap walked out and then closed the door.

Hawkeye put his face to hers."He's too good to be true... we had him checked out... he's a Sergeant... and even better than Frank."

She didn't know what to say."I'm not used to insulting him.. " she whispered.

"I'm not asking you to." he kissed her chin.

She heard the door and then sighed."Frank."

"Get rid of him."


The door opened."Ah.. Major.. Houlihan.. I want to read to you."

"Frank.. not now."

"What's he doing in here?"

"Not a thing... Frank... "

"Margaret... you really have brains..." Frank stood there.

"She has two of them."Hawkeye had a grin on his face.

She just shrugged her shoulders and then tried not to smile at Hawkeye.

Frank closed the door."Darn... Margaret... what do you want with him?"

"I'm not sure... yet... but.. it's better than what you have... and I'm going no where.. Frank."


"Just leave my tent.. I'm not interested at all.. not now... not ever."

"That's a fine thing to say... after.. all the trouble I went through.. to curb my thoughts... about your brains... "

She opened the door."LEAVE!"

"I'm not taking you back.. just understand that... "


The next night she paced outside the Mess Tent and waited... what was the song.. she had to think... if they humiliated her.. she would be mad again..

The Padre smiled."Well.. it's time to bring on this act... and their retiring right after tonight.. so. welcome.. "Hawkeye Pierce and his swinging surgeons."

Hawkeye stood there and looked at Trapper."Give me an M"

"A what?" Trap whispered.

"Shh.. an M... "My Blue Heaven."

"Yeah. an M.."Trap plucked the guitar.

Radar tapped the drums... and the Lieutenant tapped the piano.. Hawkeye fingered the bass and then cleared his throat. Henry came to them and held the baton.

Hawkeye sighed and then listened to the music. He started to sing the song... he saw her come on and he kept going.

Margaret came out..."I'll see a smiling face..."

"When Whippoorwills.. call.."

"When evening is nigh." they realized it was together. He stopped and let her go.

"We'll hurry to My Blue Heaven."

"Heaven." Hawkeye gave up now.

"A turn to the right... a little white light.... will lead you to My Blue Heaven."

Hawkeye shook his head and the music kept going.

"I'll see a smiling face.... a fireplace ...a cozy room .... a little nest that nestled where the roses bloom... just Molly and me... and baby makes three.... we're happy in my blue heaven."

"Heaven.....How about an encore?" Hawkeye looked at the group.

She heard Hawkeye stop. She wondered if that was it.

Frank walked up to her and she looked at him.

"Did you like it?"

"It was.. okay." he walked out.

"Okay.... just okay.... like I care.."

She walked outside. Okay.. well. that did it..

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