This pilot aired only once and was shot for a series the network never picked up. It starred Gary Burghoff as Walter O'Reilly who became a police officer after he lost his farm and his wife left him.

The Story

It's St. Louis, 1954. Rookie officer Walter O'Reilly emerges from his bedroom in his police uniform. He asks his cousin, Wendell Micklejohn, how he looks. "Like a rookie, I hope not," Walter says. "Hey, not bad for off-the-rack," he replies.

Walter and Wendell watch themselves on TV. Clete Roberts is doing a follow-up series on those whom he interviewed from MASH 4077th. After interviewing Hawkeye Pierce last week, he interviews "former corporal, now rookie law officer Radar O'Reilly." "Walter, my name is Walter," he tries to tell the interviewer on the television. After seeing the beginning of the interview, they dash off to work.

At the police station, Walter shows that he can still read minds. The female officer begins to ask him about a stolen vehicle report he filed. Before she can finish her sentence, Walter tells her where each portion of the report is located. "But you only give serial numbers for two..." she begins. "It's a motorcyle, ma'am," Walter chimes in. "...tires. Oh," she finishes with a smile.

A group of officers is already gathered in a room to watch Walter's interview with Clete Roberts on a black & white TV. Walter asks where Sergeant Sowell is; the television is for emergency use only, so he's concerned about getting caught. Another officer informs him that he's on the phone with the commissioner so he won't hear them.

Sergeant Sowell emerges from his office and chases the group out of the room to go fight crime, sending Walter and Wendell to Fourth Street. While patrolling the area, the pair watches the rest of the interview on a TV in a shop window. During the interview Walter tells Clete how he lost the farm due to failed crops and his new wife Cindy left him during the honeymoon. On a stop in St. Louis, Walter's wife left him a letter in the hotel explaining that she found another man.

Contemplating suicide, Walter had wandered into a local drug store and asked for "an overdose of sleeping pills and a small bottle of aspirin" because "sleeping pills give him a headache." Victoria, the clerk, gave him soup and cheered him up with a song and a tap dance.

After watching the interview, the crowd which had gathered on the street asks the pair for their autographs. Suddenly, Walter realizes that his wallet, containing his picture of his pals from M*A*S*H, has been stolen. He calls the station but Wendell tells him that it doesn't sound good when an officer has his wallet stolen. Wendell then realizes his own wallet has been stolen too. The officer at the station tells them that there's a situation that needs their immediate attention: two strippers at a theater are fighting.

At the theater Walter is given the job of getting the strippers' statements. Caught between the two strippers, they push him back and forth. In the mist of their fighting, he finds out that Dixie's dove Sweetheart is missing and she suspects Bubbles of foul play. Using his extraordinary ears, Walter hears the dove and uses a bird call to get him out of hiding.

Outside the two officers find the same boy who was in the crowd when their wallets were stolen. They chase him down and question him. After Wendell finds out that the boy has no prior record, Wendell leaves and Walter persuades Elstin to come to the drug store for a rootbeer float. While they drink, Elstin gives Walter back his M*A*S*H picture. He explains that his mother and he have been down on their luck since his father died in the Korean War. Walter decides to let him go but tells Elstin to meet him at the store every Saturday. Walter wants to be sure that Elstin is doing okay and staying out of trouble. The episode closes with Walter backing up against the pinball machine as Victoria kisses him. "Jackpot!"

  • Gary Burghoff as Walter O'Reilly
  • Ray Buktenica as Wendell Micklejohn
  • Victoria Jackson as Victoria
  • Noble Willingham as Sergeant Sowell
  • Clete Roberts as himself
  • Meeno Peluce as Elston Krannick
  • Sam Scarber as Haskell
  • Lyman Ward as Bigelow
  • Sarah Abrell as Judith Crane
  • Larry Cedar as Zipkin
  • Francine Gable as pretty girl
  • Victoria Carroll as Bubbles Sincere
  • June Berry as Dixie Devoe Bobby
  • Bobby Ramsen as the singer
  • Dick Miller as the theater owner
Airdate: 7/17/1984
Teleplay by: Bob Weiskopf, Bob Schiller, and Everett Greenbaum
Story by: Bob Weiskopf, Bob Schiller, and Michael Zinberg
Directed by: Bill Bixby
Produced by: Michael Zinberg