46

"Here, I wrote it down." Klinger said, handing a copy to each of the wives. The woman chuckled as they read it.

"I gather this came after BJ and Hawkeye's line." Peg remarked, looking at both men and smiling.

"That's right." Potter nodded. "The order is, if I remember correctly, Father Mulcahy, BJ and Hawkeye, myself, you fine ladies, then Radar, Klinger and then finally Margaret."

"What about my lyric!" Frank exclaimed hotly. "My lyric came after Margaret's."

"Your lyric came about ten minutes after the song was over, Frank." Hawkeye reminded him.

"That's right, and we're doing a repeat performance." BJ added. "So, ten minutes after the songs over you can blurt your lyric out again, just like you did originally."

"It'll take him more than ten minutes to remember it." Hawkeye commented to BJ, glancing at Frank out of the corner of his eye.

"Is everybody ready?" Potter questioned the group eagerly. They nodded in confirmation. "Everybody remember the chorus?" Again there were affirmative nods. Gesturing towards their piano player he cued. "Hit it, Padre!"

The good priest was quick to oblige, singing as he played:

"A chaplain in the army,
Has a collar round his neck.
If you don't listen to him,
You'll all wind up in heck."

"I think he actually sounds better than he used to." Charles commented to BJ and Hawkeye as the rest of the group sang:

"I don't want no more of army life,
Gee Mom, I want to go home."

"Oh, the surgeons in the army,
They say are mighty bright.
We work on soldiers through the day,
And nurses through the night."

The duo started chuckling and patting each other on the back as the rest sang the chorus again. When they finished Potter continued to song.

"Oh, friendships in the army,
They say are mighty rare.
So I spend all my free time,
Carousing with my mare."

"That's were Klinger got that remark from earlier!" Margaret exclaimed as the rest sang the chorus. "I knew that it sounded familiar!"

When the chorus finished the wives of the 4077th members sang, a trifle hesitant:

"Oh, the surgeons in the army,
They say they are profound.
But we'll take chopper pilots,
They'll get you off the ground."

The others applauded with appreciation as they repeated the chorus.

Radar was next. In a fairly soft voice he sang:

"Oh, the corporals in the army,
You say were mighty green.
But if it wasn't for us guys,
You'd be in the latrine."

Patty chuckled gently and gave him a big hug as the rest sang the chorus again.

Next came Klinger. With a mischievous chuckle he added his line to the tune.

"Some guys like the army,
I think that it's a mess.
If it's so damn terrific,
How come I wear a dress?"

The rest of the group roared with laughter as they tried to sing out the chorus. It was difficult, but they managed to get it out.

The final verse belonged to Margaret, who gave her husband a sly look as she sang:

"Oh, some nurses in the army,
They haven't tied the knot.
But this one's going to try it,

With Donald Penobscott."

Hawkeye hugged his wife to him as they all belted out the final chorus:

"I don't want no more of army life,
Gee Mom I wanna go,
But they won't let me go,
Gee Mom I want to go home!"

The group all applauded and laughed heartily as they tried to catch their breaths. In the midst of the gaiety Frank jumped up and in scratchy voice sang:

"Hawkeye and oh, BJ,
They think they're pretty smart.
I'd like to take a scalpel,
And stab them in the heart!"

A look of horror spread across the faces of the wives in the group, especially Peg's. But before anyone could respond Frank's wife grabbed his arm and pulled him back into his chair. In a harsh voice she scolded. "Frank, that was horrible! You should be ashamed of yourself." Hawkeye and BJ exchanged amused smiles at the chastised look on Frank's face.

"I have an idea!" Hawkeye exclaimed suddenly as a thought occurred to him. "Why don't we try a different rendition of that song."

"You have something in mind, Hawk?" BJ asked with an expectant smile.

"Let's do what we did before." Hawkeye suggested. "But from the aspect of 'when I was in the army whatever, whatever, whatever."

"Now this should be good." Margaret remarked with a laugh.

"I have a good chorus for you, Hawk." BJ commented eagerly.

"What's that, Beej?" His friend looked at him expectantly.

"I don't have no more of army life, Gee Mom I'm glad to be home."

"Perfect!" Hawkeye exclaimed as they all applauded heartily. "Everybody ready?"

"Ready!" A few of them exclaimed eagerly.

"Okay, let's do it." Hawkeye exclaimed excitedly. "I'll start." Gesturing towards the good Father he encouraged. "Hit it please!"

As the music filled the air, Hawkeye started singing, looking mischievously at his wife as he did so:

"When I was in the Army,
I didn't have a wife.
But now the war is over,
And Margaret's in my life."

"Oh, please." Frank complained as he rolled his eyes, receiving a elbow in the ribs from his disgusted wife.

Hawkeye hugged Margaret to him as the rest laughingly sang:

"I don't have no more of army life,
Gee Mom I'm glad to be home."

As soon as the chorus finished BJ's gently voice pierce the air:

"When I was in the army,
I met a crazy doc,
That laughed and joked and played all day,
He's our ever loony Hawk."

Hawkeye thumped his best friend on the back as he led the rest in hearty laughter as they tried to sing the chorus again.

Radar was the next to volunteer a line as he softly sang:

"When I was in the Army,
I made a lot of friends.
And happily I learned today,
True friendship never ends."

The group applauded in agreement as they sang the chorus heartily.

Margaret was the next to signal that she had a verse to share:

"When I was in the Army,
I met a lot of men.
But they were not as loving,
As my beloved Ben."

The group laughed and sang the chorus as Hawkeye wrapped his arms around Margaret and kissed her tenderly. When they came up for air their friends gave them a round of appreciative applause.

The next to think of a line was Klinger, who heartily exclaimed:

"When I was in the Army,
I hated it a lot.
Everyday that I was there,
I wished that I was not!"

The gang showed their agreement by loudly belting out the song's chorus.

Trapper signaled hat he was next. Shooting Hawkeye and Margaret a sly look he began:

"When I was in the Army,
My life was pretty strange.
But when I left Korea,
There was a weirder change."

Trapper then leaned over and planted a light kiss on Margaret's cheek as a symbol that he buried the hatchet he use to wield at her in Korea. Margaret smiled back at him.

The final verse was added by Colonel Potter who sang:

"When I was in the Army,
I headed up a zoo.
Doctors, nurses, enlisted,
Made up this lively crew."

With amused laughter and applause the gang enthusiastically sang the final chorus:

"We don't have no more of Army life,
Gee Mom, I'm glad to be,
Oh, it's so good to be,
Gee Mom, I'm glad to be home!"