3

"Thank you very much for letting me sleep in the VIP tent, colonel. And, I would really appreciate it if you found out who did that... that... unspeakable deed!" finished Margaret.

"Major Houlihan is a very impressive woman. If I wasn't married to Mildred..." thought Potter, his thought was cut off by the loud, careless entrance of Hawkeye and BJ.

"We're Baa-ack!" Hawkeye joked. BJ added a small fanfare.

"This is serious business, you two! Now quit it with the horse hockey!" barked Potter. "Excuse me, major." He added quickly.

"Well, colonel, we couldn't find anybody with a grudge against Margaret or Stinky, so our conclusion is that some outsider snuck in, played an incredibly bad joke, and snuck out. Mind if I open this?" Hawkeye asked, signaling at the drink cabinet.

"No, I don't mind. Did you clean up the skunk?" he inquired, tossing Hawkeye the keys to the cabinet.

"Actually, we paid Igor to get it. Ugh..." shuddered BJ.

"I just hope he doesn't decide to use it for dinner tonight..." sniggered Hawkeye, who was well on his way to being drunk.

I would have started today... but it was too sunny. Everyone would know. I can't take any chances. If I'm going to do it at all, I'll have to do it when no-one would notice.

"Gee, I can't believe that it's winter!" smiled Hawkeye. The weather for the last four days had been good at the 4077th, and the casualties were few.

"Maybe Spring decided to start early for once?" said BJ, skipping back to the Swamp.

Inside the Swamp, Frank was cleaning the barrel of his new rifle. When he heard the two practical jokers coming, he quickly threw it into his footlocker and started doing something else.

"Hello Frank." said Hawkeye slyly.

"What are you two nosy nates up to?" scowled Frank suspiciously.

"The question is, what are you up to?" asked BJ.

"Nothing! I wasn't doing anything, and you didn't see me not doing it!..." Frank's voice went up an octave as he tried to cover up his actions.

"Hey! Don't get defensive! We were just wondering what you were doing with that rag in your hand... that's all." Frank looked at the rag blankly and then hid it.

"What rag? I don't see any rag! I haven't seen a rag all day!" yelled Frank, a little bit too loudly.

"Frankly, Frank, I'm starting to worry about you, you've been acting strange lately." Hawkeye winked at BJ. BJ could hardly contain his smile. "Are you sure that the sun hasn't affected your mind, Frank?" asked Hawkeye with fake worry.

"What? My mind... affected by sun? I don't know what you're talking about..." started Frank.

"I see... there's only one cure..." interrupted BJ, then he pulled out from under his bed a bucket full of cold water, and proceeded to dump it on the unsuspecting major's head.

"You... you..." sputtered Frank.

"You take that back!" yelled Hawkeye. "Imagine, calling me a ‘you-you!'"

"I'm telling the colonel!!" whined Frank. With nothing else to say, Frank ran out of the Swamp, and to the colonel's office.

"Oh, boy, Hawk... we're gonna get it now!" laughed BJ. Meanwhile, Hawkeye studied Frank's footlocker carefully. It was locked.

"Is it just me, or did Frank hide something in there when we came in?" asked Hawkeye.

"Maybe he put in a foot." Said BJ. Noticing the puzzled look on Hawkeye's face when he said that, he explained, "It's called a footlocker, isn't it?" At that time, Frank stumbled out of the colonel's office. Colonel Potter was yelling, "...And don't you EVER drip on Mildred's picture again!!"

BJ and Hawkeye started laughing hysterically at the soaked major.

Frank was preparing for his revenge. He had two rifles, both full of ammunition, and hidden in his footlocker. The only thing he needed now was a good time to start. Frank checked the skies and noted some dark clouds in the far east. "Perfect..." he thought wickedly.

I'm starting now- Prepare for revenge...

"Attention, all personnel. The temperature is a full 3 degrees below 0. Colonel Potter recommends that the whole camp be in blackout condition within the next half-hour, to conserve heat." the PA system announced, but it was barely heard over the blizzard that was going on outside.

BJ and Hawkeye were both doing Post-Op duty when Frank left the Swamp. He was wearing four layers of clothes, and underneath them all, two guns.

Margaret was giving her hair 100 strokes with her new brush, when there was a knocking on her door.

"Who is it?" she asked.

"Margaret, it's me!" the person replied.

"Didn't Frank say that when we were... intimate?" she thought, pulling her robe tighter around herself as she hid her unmentionables. "Well, if it IS Frank, he's probably freezing out there..." she thought, "Coming!" she said out loud.

When she opened the door, she was more than surprised to see the barrel of a rifle aimed right at her nose.

"Hello, Margaret. Mind if I come in?" asked Frank, but he didn't wait for a response. "Oh. Margaret. If only you knew how much I really love you. I'd go to hell and back for you, (and I have!) and now you're turning your back on me, as if I were nothing but rag! You tossed me out, Margaret! And why? For whom? For Donald Penobscott, that's who! He isn't even worthy to say your name! Why are you doing this? Why?" Frank's voice raised an all-time high as he advanced on the blonde Major.

"Frank," Margaret squeaked hoarsely, "if you put down that gun for... a second or two, maybe we can... talk this over. There's... no need for violence, Frank. Let's talk rationally!" Frank slowly lowered the gun. Margaret dived for it, but Frank was too quick for her.

"Oh, no! I'm not that stupid... you didn't really think I'd fall for that, did you?" Frank let out an insane laugh. Margaret, uncertain of herself, laughed nervously.

"If I scream, will anyone hear me?" she thought frantically

"Margaret, I can't have you running around, ruining my plans," hissed Frank, "so, I'm very sorry, but... I'll have to do this!" with that. Frank shot Margaret in the leg. She screamed.

The Blizzard howled right outside the door.