(Standard disclaimers apply. Spoilers: Where there's a will, and Goodbye Farwell and Amen. Please read and review.)

(Margaret's POV)

I got a call from BJ this morning. It's funny, really. I have only been back in the states for three weeks, spending my days at the Tampa Bay ER, and I keep expecting to see BJ, Colonel Potter, Charles, or Hawkeye walking down the hall. But that's not what's bothering me today.

BJ said that Hawkeye has been really down since returning home. That he was so worried, he was starting to track down Sid Freedmen. I feel bad for Hawkeye, but I just can't let myself go through after we parted ways in Korea.

I half expected him to call me after the way we left. I felt something for him, I really did. But I heard nothing. It was a hell of trip home, BJ told me. Hawkeye's two connecting flights were delayed and then canceled all together, but the ironic thing is, the only souvenirs that he brought home, were himself in one peace, and those emotional scars which I'm not so sure were all worked out. But he never called. I told him to call, hell I even prayed he would, but he didn't.

I heard about your trip.
I heard about your souvenirs.
I heard about the cool breeze, in the cool nights,
and the cool guys that you spent them with.
Well I guess I should have heard of them from you.
I guess I should have heard of them from you.

I think a lot about Korea. I think about all of the nurses that Hawkeye has been with, and I can't really say that he has ever been with me. That one stolen night in the abandoned hut really never counted, because then and there we both knew that it would have never worked.

Today I was reminded of when one of my new nurses died when she stepped on a land mine. Hawkeye was so broken up about that, and for once he really did expressed how he felt. Up till then I would have thought he never would let his true feelings show not even to the people closest to him. And then what seemed like centuries later, the war ended.

And he kissed me...

Or I kissed him; I really don't remember that part. All I do remember is that one minute we were both standing there and the next, we just couldn't keep our hands off of each other. I guess the game was over.

Don't you see, don't you see?
That the charade is over?
And all the "Best Deceptions" and "Clever Cover Story" awards go to you
So kiss me hard
'Cause this will be the last time that I let you.
You will be back someday
And this awkward kiss that tells of other people's lips will be of service
To keeping you away.

When BJ called me, I could feel what he said Hawkeye was going through, because I felt them too. I guess like the old saying goes, it takes one to know one. BJ told me that he knew Hawkeye had been sorry for not calling me, when I practically begged him to. But I can't go through that again; I won't. If he had only called me.

I heard about your regrets.
I heard that you were feeling sorry.
I heard from someone that you wish you could set things right between us.
Well I guess I should have heard of them from you.
I guess I should have heard of them from you.

And I knew after I had talked to BJ that it was over. I would always love Hawkeye, but I wouldn't let it get in the way of finding a man who wouldn't be afraid of telling me that he loved me. My custom fit, I guess. Hawkeye and I had some great times together, and I would never think of sulfur again with out remembering mine and Hawkeye's joke about the sulfur being between the two end tables. But even though I know that there won't ever be anything between Hawkeye and me, I know that I'll never trade what we went through together for the world, even that awkward farewell kiss.

Don't you see, don't you see?
That the charade is over?
And all the "Best Deceptions" and "Clever Cover Story" awards go to you
So kiss me hard
'Cause this will be the last time that I let you.
You will be back someday
And this awkward kiss that tells of other people's lips will be of service
To keeping you away.

I know that Hawkeye has been trying to call me. Or at least that's what BJ told me from his last call. And it's really nothing new. I know Hawkeye has been calling, but I can't pick up the phone. I just can't go through that again.

Today I met a wonderful man. He was everything I had hoped for in a man. He was smart, charming, witty, and such a gentleman. And I'm beginning to think that his guy is my custom fit, but even if he is, he's no Hawkeye.

I'm waiting for blood to flow to my fingers,
I'll be all right when my hands get warm. Ignoring the phone,
I'd rather say nothing. I'd rather you'd never heard my voice.
Too late to be gracious and you do not warrant long good-byes.
You're calling too late