"The Aftereffects of War Part 2 ~ Suicide Is Painless"

By nsalem

"Cut. We're clear," the producer said.

"I think we should reshoot the set," The interviewer said while watching the tape with Hawkeye and Sidney. "I think they showed my bad side."

"I'm not telling that story again and thats it. You either take that shot or not take it at all."

"I really think we should reshoot it," The interviewer said.

"All you care about is the way you looked. I'm not reshooting and thats final." Hawkeye stormed out of the building with Sidney right behind him. "Sidney I know you wanted me to do this but they're being selfish about what happened and I don't want to do it again."

"Hawkeye I would never ask you to do that again. But I would like you and I to have more sessions on this."

"I don't want to be cured Sidney. I need to be left alone."

"Hawkeye I know it was rough out there but you got to confront your problem head on not hide in the ground. Thats what you have been doing for thirty years. Now you need to see your friends."

"I saw enough of everyone."

"Not enough to survive. "

"I've survived this long haven't I."

"You alienated everyone you knew. Even your father. You didn't even tell to him."

"Sid. I'm scared to do surgery especially now. How can I face that OR again."

"We can face it together."

"No I can't handle another death I can't handle another friend dying and all I can do is watch. I'm not going through that again." Hawkeye ran off.

Back at BJ's house

Sidney rang the doorbell.

"Who is it?" Peg asked.

"Its Sidney is Pierce there?"

"No. I haven't seen him in a few hours."

"Can I speak to BJ please?"

"Hold on. Let me open the door." The door opened. "BJ please come down here."

BJ walked down the steps. "Hi Sidney where's Hawkeye?"

"Thats what I was hoping you knew."

"Sorry I haven't seen him since he left for the station. Anything wrong?"

"Yep but can I talk to you alone."

Peg got the cue and walked to the kitchen while the two of them went into the living room. "Anything I can do to help Hawkeye?"

"I believe the best thing for him is to get back to surgery."

"I know people have tried that before. Its impossible."

"He needs to get back to the one place that he left or he'll never make it through this."

"Any ideas?"

"I was sort of hoping you had an idea."

"Hawkeye always talked about this Trapper John that always seemed to have some trick up his sleeve."

"Yeah I know where he lives. I'll call him. He might be able to solve this problem."

"You can use my phone."

"Thanks BJ."

"You're welcome."

In a hotel room. Hawkeye falls asleep on a bed.

His dreaming. "Henry don't die on me again. Please come back."

"I can't. I have to go."

"Don't leave me. Don't leave me again. Please come back."

"I got to go. God is calling me."

Hawkeye wakes up in a cold sweat screaming the same words over and over again. "Don't go."

Trapper arrives the next morning. "Hi good to see you again Sidney. Now where's Hawkeye?"

"I don't know. He ran away."

"I think I know. I'll go get him."

"I'm coming with you."

"Sidney no offense but I need to go alone."

Back at the hotel.

"Will you quiet down in there!" A neighbor said at Hawkeye's door.

"Sorry Ma'am I've been having nightmares."

"Just lower the volume."

Trapper walks right at the last word to Hawks door. "I see you never change in hotel rooms."

"Where's my note?"

"What note?"

"The one you didn't give me when you left."

"I'm sorry Hawkeye. I had no time."

"Thats what you always say."

"I'm sorry I just couldn't wait to leave. I stayed as long as possible and we tried everything to contact you."

"Not even a note. Just a kiss from Radar is all I got."

"Well thats history. Want a drink?" Trapper pulled out a bottle of booze. "Too bad we don't have the still."

"It was torn down when we left. I'll have a sip."

"So whats this about you not operating? Tell me when to stop pouring."

"Henry died."

"I was there when Radar made the announcement that day. Do you want me to stop." He keeps pouring almost to the top of a glass.

"Trapper he died with 20 other soldiers while I operated on him. I just can't do it anymore."

"Hawkeye I know how you feel."

"How can you? You left without so much as a simple goodbye. Stop. You'll never understand."

"Hawkeye lets go back to Sidney," Trapper said handing Hawkeye the drink.

"I don't want to see him anymore."

"Whats really wrong with you Hawkeye?"

"I'm scared."

"Scared of what?"

"Scared of life. People died there. Henry died there. I almost got killed there. And now I'm facing the world that doesn't even understand that. How can I go back to everything like nothing ever happened."

"You can't you accept it and move on. But you can't go back."

"I can't even accept it." Hawkeye drank up all the liquor. "Can I have another?"

"Of course. Lets get back Hawkeye."

"Thats the problem we can't go back."

Back at BJ's house.

"Well. Where's Hawkeye?" BJ asked Trapper.

"Who are you? He refused to come."

"Hawkeye's best friend. Who are you?"

"Hawkeye's best friend too."

"Sidney!" They both yelled at the same time.

"What is it?"

"Hawkeye is still away," Trapper said. "And this guy claims being Hawkeye's best friend."

"Well I am."

"Now boys. Hawkeye was best friends with Trapper here first."

"So I finally get to meet the famous Trapper John."

"Who are you?"

"I'm Hawkeye's roommate after you left."


"Now we have to talk about Hawkeye not about who came first."

"We need to get him to start operating again but how?" BJ asked.

"I don't really know," Sidney said.

"What do you think Trapper?"

"I think we should leave him alone."

"He needs to get over this Trapper," Sidney said.

"What if he doesn't want to?" Trapper said.

"You're probably the only one that hasn't noticed his behavior but he's really on the deep end."

"I noticed but what are we supposed to do tie him up and make him operate," Trapper said sarcastically.

"If you don't want to help Hawkeye. You don't have to," BJ said annoyingly.

"I do want to help Hawkeye. It's just that I believe you're not thinking logically about it. The Hawkeye we knew died on that island with Henry. Thats that. We got to accept that and move on from there. Now as far as surgery goes. I think we should just wait and see."

"I don't agree. Hawkeye needs help and I'm planning on getting it for him if you're going to help me or not. Now where is he?" BJ asked.

"Thats for me to know and you to find out," Trapper said.

"I know Hawkeye too. I bet I know where he is," BJ said.

Back at the hotel.

Hawkeye keeps having the same nightmares. He gives up on going to sleep and decides to go to eat when he leaves his room BJ bumps into him. "What is this a all night reunion."

"Hawkeye we're worried about you."

"Who isn't!"

"I believe you should go back to surgery."

"No way am I getting near the OR again."

"Hawk I know how you feel."

"How could you? You didn't even know Henry. You weren't even on the island when it all happened."

"Ben," BJ began to say.

"Don't call me that."

"Hawk. You need to go back."

"I can't and I won't."

"Then come back to the house. Peg wants to see you again."

"Okay," Hawk says in a sad tone.

Back at the house.

"Did you figure out what to do?" Daniel said anxiously when Hawkeye and BJ walked in and Hawkeye went to his room.

"No but at least Hawk is here."

Days past.

"Lets go to the movies. Hawkeye are you sure you don't want to come with us?"

"Yes now get out of here."

"Okay," Trapper left in such a hurry he forgot his jacket. "I'll be there in a minute go on without me."

"Are you sure Trapper?" BJ asked.

"I've seen the movie a hundred times. Now go on without me." Trapper went back to the house to see Hawkeye holding a bottle of aspirin and water. "Hawkeye what are you doing?"

"Suicide is painless. It's better this way."

"Hawkeye don't do it."

"Why should I not? Henry's dead. My mother's dead. 20 guys I never meet are dead and I want to be too."

"Hawkeye the war hurt us all."

"You wouldn't know. You left without a single solitary goodbye."

"I had to you don't have to do this."

"Give me one reason I shouldn't."

"Henry. He wouldn't want it to be this way."

"Henry Ha. He died without me."

"What would Henry say to you if he was here?"

"That rule number one is young men die and rule number two is doctors can't change rule number one. But he died."

"And we don't want you to die. Please give me the bottle."

"Here," Hawkeye gave him the bottle. "Now get out."


A preview for the aftereffects of war part three

"Sidney you once told me that my nightmares will end the minute the big one ended but now that the big one ended how come my small ones haven't."