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Big Daddy O'Reilly

Posted:
2/6/2011 11:38:45 PM

BDOR Rewrite: Pilot Episode

This is something new I'm trying; certain episodes have scenes, lines, actions, etc that for some reason I think could've been handled a little differently... and I don't think Larry Gelbart would've minded, after all, he kept rewriting a lot of scripts even years after he left... years after the show went off the air.

For my first installment, here's a scene from "Pilot Episode" (1x01) that could've, and actually SHOULD'VE been done a little differently...

****

HAWKEYE: Uh, what's the charge, General?

HAMMOND: Breaking orders by having this party!

HENRY: And handing out unauthorized passes!

TRAPPER: There's nothing unauthorized this party.

HAWKEYE: Right, or theses passes... (Taps pass with finger)

HENRY: What are you goof-offs taling about? (Looks at pass)

HAMMOND: (Peaks) That's YOUR signature, Henry!

HENRY: I didn't sign these!

HAWKEYE: You must have... (Mockingly) That's YOUR signature, Henry!

RADAR: (Nervous) Yes sir?

HENRY: RADAR! Dammit Radar, DON'T do that!

RADAR: Yes sir, I'm sorry sir... that wasn't really an order for a ton of fudge ripple ice cream you signed for this morning, sir.

HENRY: That wasn't really an order for a ton of fudge ripple ice cream I signed for this morning, was it? Radar, you tricked me!

RADAR: Sorry, sir.

maximom

Posted:
6/3/2012 3:06:39 PM

where have I been? very good BDO.

GeorgiaGirl

Posted:
6/3/2012 6:21:13 PM

I like it. . .<3

S.F.P.D. Commissioner McMillan's son

Posted:
2/8/2013 12:41:26 AM

good showing
Big Daddy O'Reilly wrote:
This is something new I'm trying; certain episodes have scenes, lines, actions, etc that for some reason I think could've been handled a little differently... and I don't think Larry Gelbart would've minded, after all, he kept rewriting a lot of scripts even years after he left... years after the show went off the air.

For my first installment, here's a scene from "Pilot Episode" (1x01) that could've, and actually SHOULD'VE been done a little differently...

****

HAWKEYE: Uh, what's the charge, General?

HAMMOND: Breaking orders by having this party!

HENRY: And handing out unauthorized passes!

TRAPPER: There's nothing unauthorized this party.

HAWKEYE: Right, or theses passes... (Taps pass with finger)

HENRY: What are you goof-offs taling about? (Looks at pass)

HAMMOND: (Peaks) That's YOUR signature, Henry!

HENRY: I didn't sign these!

HAWKEYE: You must have... (Mockingly) That's YOUR signature, Henry!

RADAR: (Nervous) Yes sir?

HENRY: RADAR! Dammit Radar, DON'T do that!

RADAR: Yes sir, I'm sorry sir... that wasn't really an order for a ton of fudge ripple ice cream you signed for this morning, sir.

HENRY: That wasn't really an order for a ton of fudge ripple ice cream I signed for this morning, was it? Radar, you tricked me!

RADAR: Sorry, sir.

Keep it up, and don't stop.
Ofcourse, wait until you get the chance to read "RADAR VS. THE GREMLINS", especially the part where CHARLES performs the autopsy of MRS. DEAGLE of KINGSTON FALLS?

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